Cup O'Pizza

If you have never seen the movie The Jerk, then I hate you and no longer want to be your friend. Once you have seen it, I will forgive you and be your friend again.

Every time I watch this movie I want to eat pizza. Not just any pizza. But pizza in a cup, or Cup O'Pizza if you will. Once you see the movie you will understand why.

So my special lady friend, Tracy, found some little sort of little custard cups at the vintage/junk shop she worked at. She is a special and pretty lady.

I had told her about my dream to one day make these Cup O'Pizzas. She thought these cups would be perfect. Let me tell you...they were. They turned out exactly as I had hoped.

Here's what you do:

Make some pizza dough. I used the recipe out of The America's Test Kitchen cook book. It's pretty basic, easy, and delicious.

4 1/4 cup bread flour (plus extra for the counter)
2 1/4 tsp rapid-rise yeast (not the kind that you find in your panties, ladies)
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tbsp olive oil
1 3/4 cup warm water

whisk 4 cups of flour, the yeast, and the salt together in a large bowl. Add the oil & water and stir with the rubber spatula until the dough comes together, much like my special sexy lady and I, and looks shaggy.

Turn the dough onto a lightly floured counter and then knead the dough for 10 or 15 minutes.

Yeah, knead it. Wow, look at that handsome devil.

Then you ball it up, and put it into a lightly oiled bowl. Cover it and let it rise 1 or 2 hours.

Now what you do is take your awesome cups and pour a little pizza sauce at the bottom to lube them up. You can make your own sauce if you want but I needed something fast and dirty, like my sexy little sugarbutt of a lady, so I just used some Classico fancy marinara sauce. It worked pretty well.

Then you rip off a little piece of dough and drop it into the cup. Then you pour more sauce around it, then some mozzarella, and whatever toppings you want. I used pepperoni and pineapple.

Put them in the oven at 375 degrees for about 11 minutes.

Look at them, they are beautiful. Much like my special lady.

With the dough sitting in the sauce, it ends up being kind of like a dumpling. So when you eat them they are still chewy and doughy, but still cooked all the way through.

They are so good and tasty.

Baby approves.



They turned out pretty much exactly as I had envisioned. I was very happy.

New York, New York

Look, another post not about food. Maybe I should change the title of this.

Well holy shit. It's Friday Sept. 5th. That means in about 8 hours I will be on a plane to New York. I will be there for over a week. So far I have little to no plans. I have had almost no time to plan this trip, with work being as busy as it is, and me putting my wiener into my Special lady friend.

So the day is upon me. I hope I don't get stabbed. I will try to update semi-regularly.

Wish me luck, my bitches.

I have been Log-Jacked

And it's totally not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Several years ago I decided to commission a friend of mine to make a Log Log as a gift for my Aunt that always asks that you've pooed that day, and how it was. My Aunt also likes to talk about the quality of her poos. So the Log Log was a way for her to "log" her "entries."

It was fucking brilliant. My friend that put it together for me is an awesome scrap-booker, so it looked really nice. She showed it to some people, and everyone loved it. My Aunt loved it.

I was just made aware of this.

Mother fuckers. They even made it super unfunny by calling it the "Poo Log." I hate them. I'm going to poo into a brown paper bag and send it to them.

Tomato Mouth Orgasm

Things that I like:
Easy recipes
Tomatoes
Cheese

Which brings me to this recipe that Eric and I stumbled on while grilling some food and drinking some beers.

Take some tomatoes. Slice them to your desired thickness. I probably go with 1/4" thick.

In a bowl mix together some olive oil, grated or shredded Parmesan cheese, a dash of salt and pepper, and some fresh herbs (we used basil and oregano).

Pour all that tasty happiness over the sliced tomatoes. Really coat them in it. Then lay the tomatoes on a broiling pan, or something with a drip tray. You don't want to end up stewing the tomatoes when you cook them.

Preheat your oven to Broil.

Lay some slices of mozzarella over the tomatoes. The more the better.

Then put that in the oven. Not too long, just long enough for the cheese to brown.

Then eat it and have an orgasm in your mouth.

Holy crap it's good.

Note to Self - Matzah

Do not put parsley in the Matzah balls. Or maybe just not as much as I put in last night. The amount: roughly about a shit ton.

BBQ Sauce that is good

Here's the recipe for the BBQ sauce I use. I experimented around for a while until I found one that I liked. Other people like it too. It's fucking tasty.

Here's what you need

One Onion: Finely chopped
Four Garlic Cloves: Crushed
Two Habanero Peppers: Chopped (you can use more if you want to burn your butthole out. I prefer not to, but to each their own)

One Cup Water
Two Cups Ketchup
1/2 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
1/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
1/4 Cup Worcestershire Sauce
1/3 Cup Brown Sugar
One TBSP honey
1/4 Cup Lemon juice
1 1/2 TBSP Chili Powder (I actually do closer to 2)
1/2 to 1 TBSP Ground Cumin
3-4 dashes of Louisiana hot sauce, or you know...a shit ton more.

Heat the veggie oil in a sauce pan until it's almost smoking. You don't want it too hot or you'll burn that shit and you'll end up with that horrible deep fried garlic fries smell you get whiffs of at Safeco field. Throw in the onions, garlic, and peppers. Cook them till they become soft and fragrant.

Mix everything else up in a bowl. Then pour that stuff that is in the bowl into the sauce pan with all the other stuff. Bring it to boil, then turn it way down and let it simmer for a while.

When you're done letting it simmer, take it off the heat. Strain all those onions and stuff out. Then put all that tasty sauce into a mason jar or something.

This sauce gets better with age, so make it a few days before you actually plan to use it. It's delicious.

It is Summer Time

Dear Dickheads,

I fucking hate the summer. Have you people ever seen me in real life? I'm big and hairy. I'm not built for the heat. I am built for the arctic tundra. I should be running around in snow shoes hunting rabbits with sticks while wearing nothing but moccasins. I'd survive because I am like a fucking cave man. A cave man that is incredibly handsome.

Anyway, it is summer. That means I get to break out my smoker and BBQ a bunch of dead animals and make them delicious. I'm breaking in Jamima, my smoker, this 4th of July weekend. I'll start sharing some of my BBQ recipes here. I know it's been a while since I updated this, but fuck you. I'm busy.

Sincerely,
Jonny Loser